Airplane Post (April 13th)

An airplane entry:

Life is about balance. Balancing all the internal and external components that make up one’s being is no simple task. In the Mechina the challenge is to create balance between being part of the group, being an individual, being alone, obtaining sleep, speaking Hebrew, speaking English, participating, missing out, committee work, feeling happy, allowing oneself to feel sad, maintaining relationships, and remaining sane. Sadly, I am no great acrobat or steady scale. I cannot balance it all; the weight is simply too much for me. In an attempt to grasp every aspect and to soak up all the meaning that I can extract from this year as possible, things occasionally slip through my fingers. Some things are neglected—such as this blog. Sacrifices are made—mostly sleep and health. Not all relationships can be maintained. Some things simply do not receive the amount of attention that they deserve—such as keeping in touch with family and friends from home. After eight months of living in Israel, I finally returned home for Passover and for Emma’s big bat mitzvah. I viewed the short break as an opportunity to recharge and take a break from the strenuous balancing act. Yet, I was wrong. Although I did find new energies that will allow me to enjoy the next few months, the balancing continues. This time I attempted to balance family and friends. In short, I understand that the balancing does not end. The way I explain my year in the Mechina as follows: It is the hardest thing that I have ever done, yet the most fun and the happiest I have ever been. It is simply a fact that not all things can be tended to. In the Mechina, my incredible experiences are balanced out by my difficult ones. Duality must exist within everything. The components that I am capable of holding up in the Mechina are balanced by those which I let fall. I look forward, a few months, a few years into the future, and attempt to assess the type of balance that I will struggle to find then. An even balance between the life I had before this crucial year and the life that I have now will forever be in motion. To try to balance the two places which I hold so dearly to my heart, yet which exist on separate continents, will be an impossible task. I will forever be torn and dwell in two places. Balance may not be an option with this one. Yet I can attempt to do my best. As Dr. Seuss wisely said, “So be sure when you step, step with care and great tact. And remember that life is a great balancing act.”